


He's Not Him

by ti99ck4



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King, Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Crossover, F/F, F/M, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I'm Sorry, M/M, Not Really Character Death, Oops, Pennywise is His Own Warning (IT), Post-IT (2017), Richie Tozier and Mike Wheeler Are Twins, Richie Tozier is a Little Shit, Richie Tozier is a Mess, Work In Progress, boris is their cousin, i guess, not really but
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-28
Updated: 2020-07-28
Packaged: 2021-02-27 19:01:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 7,852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22930666
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ti99ck4/pseuds/ti99ck4
Summary: Eddie froze. This wasn’t happening. Whoever that was out there on the side of the street, putting up missing posters wasn’t Richie. It just wasn’t…Because Richie Tozier died last year.
Relationships: Eddie Kaspbrak & Richie Tozier, Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier, Eleven | Jane Hopper/Mike Wheeler, Maxine "Max" Mayfield/Lucas Sinclair, Mike Hanlon/Stanley Uris
Comments: 39
Kudos: 107





	1. The Same ( But Different )

Eddie froze. This wasn’t happening. Whoever that was out there on the side of the street, putting up missing posters wasn’t Richie. It just wasn’t…

Because Richie Tozier died last year.

Eddie was wheezing now, his breath caught in his throat. He could feel it: his face turning a hot shade of red and the pace of his breathing becoming erratic. Oh, if only he hadn’t thrown out his inhaler.

( “I’m telling you, Eds… you’re strong. You don’t need it.” )

“Hey, Eddie!”

Where was that voice coming from? Wherever it was, it was far. Was it Ben? Or Stan? Whoever it was was getting closer now and was almost right behind him. Hell, they could be standing right next to them and he wouldn't know it.

He looked up, tears welling in his eyes and his words sticking in his throat as he looked up at Bill, who had a gentle ( yet concerned ) smile on his face and kind eyes.

( “Poor Stuttering Bill. His heart’s too big for his body!” )

“Eddie, are you alright?” he said, looking down at the smaller boy. He talked so calmly, yet so worried for his friend at the same time. Bill Denbrough was always such a worry-wart when it came to his friends. 

Eddie was silent now, not even daring to speak as fear of what he might say washed over him. His arm, slow and shaky, raised up to point at the boy across the street.

The boy with Richie’s face.


	2. Can't Keep A Secret

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bill turned to follow his arm, his face going pale.
> 
> Because there across the street stood a carbon copy of Richie Tozier himself.

Bill turned to follow his arm, his face going pale.

Because there across the street stood a carbon copy of Richie Tozier himself. 

He was about 5’10, with neat black hair and a yellow polo with blue stripes buttoned all the way up. He was pale, and had a sort of permanent grimace on his face. Freckles littered his nose and cheeks and he seemed to walk with an air of mystery surrounding him.

He was so similar to Richie, yet so different. He was lacking the mop of black curls and the shit-eating grin that had made Richie, well, Richie. He was shorter, and certainly more serious, but most notably, Eddie noticed, was the surprising vacancy of oversized coke-bottle glasses.

As Eddie’s arm moved slowly back to his side to grip the hem of his shirt to brace himself, the boy turned and looked back and forth before crossing the street.

( “ Lookin’ is for pussies, Eds! I never look when I cross!” )

The boy smiled a little as he walked towards them, but his brows were furrowed in anticipation and concern, as if he were lost in deep thought.

He stood up straight and with a purpose, which is something Eddie noticed differed between the boy and Richie. Richie sat slumped over, as if he was tired or uninterested whether intentional or not.

Bev was there at his side now too, Eddie noticed. Geez… when had she gotten here? Was he really that out of it?

The boy’s eyes lit up as he got closer, almost as if he recognized the band of misfits that stood before him.

“Hi, um… do, uh, do you guys know a Richie Tozier? Sorry you just look like the people in - uh - in his letters…” the boy stuttered out. “I’m his brother - twin brother. Mike Wheeler.” He stuck his hand out politely for a handshake, something Richie Tozier would never do.

( “Richie Tozier is the name, and doin’ voices is my game!” )

Twin brother? Richie Tozier did NOT have a twin brother. Richie Tozier was an only child with no cousins, no aunts or uncles, and no remaining grandparents. 

And Eddie would know. They had been best friends for what felt like forever and knew everything about each other.

Richie knew about Eddie’s goals.

Eddie knew about Richie’s nightmares.

Richie knew about Eddie’s comic stash.

Richie Tozier could NOT keep a secret, but now that Eddie thought about it...

could he?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not 100% certain where i want this fic to go yet, but if you have ideas or guesses about the storyline don't be afraid to comment!!


	3. Not As It Seemed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eddie and Bev talk.

"There was no way this weirdo doppelganger is Richie’s twin.", Eddie thought. Richie was a shitty secret keeper.

But, as he thought about it more, maybe that was wrong.

Richie was always good at making things up on the spot, like that time that the Losers got caught sneaking into the dump by Mr. Nell. 

( “Aye I’m awwf-lly saw-ry Mr. Nell, me good lad! We saw a cat run in and wanted to snag a picture of it!”, He said in an awful Irish accent, pointing to Stan’s bird watching camera that hung snugly around his neck.)

Holy shit… had Richie been fronting about his big mouth and lying abilities that whole time? There’s no way! Richie always sucked at keeping his mouth shut. 

Or was that all an act?

Eddie felt his breath tighten in his chest at that thought. He felt himself starting to panic as his breathing got more shallow and he turned to Bev, tugging slightly on her sleeve. She looked down at him, nodding in understanding before turning back to Bill.

“I’m gonna take Eddie into the store to get some water, we’ll be right back.”

Bill nodded, and with that Beverly wrapped her arm around Eddie’s shoulder to lead him to the bench sitting outside the convenience store.

He sat down with a sigh, picking at the chipping paint with his finger as Bev went in.

Was any of this real? Was he dreaming? 

He couldn’t think…. It was too much. He was spiraling. He-

Ding!

He looked up from the cracked concrete of the sidewalk as Bev walked out with cold water in hand and a small, sympathetic smile on her face. 

“Thanks.” he mumbled, scooting over on the bench to let her sit down.

“So…” she started, handing him a bottle,

“Do you want to talk about it?”

He sighed, turning to her, “I dunno….”

“It’s ok to miss him, Eddie. You know we miss him too.”

“It’s not that it’s just….” He huffed, fiddling with the plastic label around the bottle.

“If this guy really is his twin then what does that mean? What does that say about Richie?”

She thought to herself a little before placing a hand on his shoulder and smiling.

“Richie loved us… Richie loved you.”

He grinned a little at that.

“He might have kept secrets but he never lied to us, you know that.”

He nodded. Richie never lied to the Losers, just kept things to himself.

“If you really want to know about what Richie didn’t tell us, you should ask Stan.” 

“Yeah… Yeah. ’ll do that. Thanks, Bevvie.”

“It’s not as it seems all the time, Eddie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not sure exactly where this is gonna end up going but i hope you guys like it so far :)


	4. One Hundred Fears

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bill has a moment of clarity, and Stan has one hundred realizations.

As Bev and Eddie walked away Bill turned back to the stranger and shook his hand, “Sorry abou- about that… B-Bill Denbrough.”

The stranger, Mike Wheeler (Bill now recalled), nodded and looked past him sympathetically, “Is your friend ok?”

“Eddie? Yeah… Yeah he’s just got a stomach bug, t-thats all. H-He just needs to sit-t-t.”

God, Bill was a shit liar.

“Oh!” Mike smiled, “Then you ARE Richie’s friends!”

He turned, taking off his scrappy black backpack and unzipping it.

It was torn in a couple spots, and Bill could make out some writing in silver marker on the bottom.

(“Course I gotta write on it Big Bill! How else will I stake my claim?”)

“These are for you. Richie sent them to me to give to you. I would’ve driven here sooner but… Rich said not to look for him or give these to you until six months after his last letter.”

He handed Bill a neat stack of letters, each one with a different Losers’ name on the envelope.

Behind him, Stan glanced up, looking at the other contents of Mike #2 (as Stan had dubbed him)’s bag. 

He winced slightly, eyeing the missing poster with Richie’s grinning yearbook photo.

The stack must have had at least a hundred copies.

One hundred copies of one of Richie’s fears.

(“I just… I don’t want to go missing, ok?”)

Bill gave Stan a small tap, drawing back his attention, and handed him the envelopes (excluding his own, Bev’s and Eddie’s ) to distribute among the Losers Club before turning back to Mike with a small frown.

“Did y-you say six m-months?”

Mike nodded, pulling out another letter from his bag. This one was so violently Richie that Bill almost laughed. The envelope was a pale pink, with Mike Wheeler’s name messily written on the back and a smiley face with glasses in the bottom right corner.

“Yeah, his last letter was six months ago. Well, I mean if we’re factoring in the slow ass mail system in Hawkins it was more like eight months ago…”

Bill inhaled sharply, nervously eyeing the envelope in Mike W’s hand before speaking,

“Richie’s been gone for a year...”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know my chapters are kinda short, but they keep me from accidentally rushing the story along and there are more frequent updates :) thank you all for the positive feedback it means a lot <3


	5. Cold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mike takes notes and learns some things.

Mike felt cold.

That was the only way to describe it.

Cold.

Cold and speechless.

While not a loudmouth like his brother, Mike Wheeler was NOT one known to be speechless.

And yet here he was, words knocked completely out of his mouth.

His stomach felt heavy as he studied Bill’s face.

He didn’t know exactly what he was looking for, but he knew he was looking for something. Maybe a hint or clue that could insinuate that he was joking or lying or that this was some kind of sick prank Richie himself was pulling.

He tensed as Bill reached out a hand, setting it on his shoulder.

“I-I’m really sorry, Mike… We-We’ve been looking for him too.”

He felt stiff.

He felt sick.

He-

“Do you know where he could be?” he mumbled, cutting off his own train of thought.

At that Bill sighed and shook his head, bringing his arm back to his body and shoving his hand carelessly into his pocket.

“W-We don’t. I mean we h-have guesses b-but we can’t exactly g-go and look o-ourselves.”

Mike nodded before opening his backpack again and pulling out his notebook, “Could you tell me where? I know he might not be there but it really couldn’t hurt to check.”

Bill turned stiffly to Stan, who leaned in to whisper something to him and then looked at Mike.

“He keeps asking Stan things.” Mike thought to himself, “Stan must know something that Bill doesn’t or he wouldn’t keep consulting him.”

Bill smiled a little, though it was obviously a nervous smile.

“H-How about tomorrow? Meet u-us here and we’ll walk to the B-Barrens. We can talk more t-then.”

Mike -the other Mike- smiled at him, “I have to head home and the Losers usually take me.”

Mike nodded, “Right. Here tomorrow. Noon?”

Bill turned, beckoning Beverly and Eddie before answering Mike,

“Noon t-tomorrow.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really sorry that this chapter is so late, I try to update more than once a week. I'm gonna try to update again tonight so look out for that! :) Once again, feedback is really appreciated OR theories as to where you think this story is headed!


	6. Xoxo, Richie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mike revisits a memory or two.

As the Losers Club walked away Mike huffed, looking at the beat up notebook in his hands.

It was old and leatherbound, with scratches on the front cover.

Mike always thought it gave it personality.

Richie thought it was fucking ugly.

(“Please please puh-leaseeeeee let me just buy you a new one, Mike.”

“Piss off, Richie.”)

Turning the pages, he reviewed the years of writing in it:

D&D campaign ideas,Will’s old sketches, lists of thing El had discovered she’d liked…

Things that meant a lot to him.

He smiled slightly as he came across a page with a bookmark of sorts in it. 

It was a photobooth strip, faded slightly and a little dogeared in the top right corner. In the first photo Richie made a stupid face while Mike looked on in disaproval. In each photo Richie had a different expression and Mike smiled a little bit more, until they both had wide grins in the last photo.

(“Cmon Mikey! Photo Booths are my thanggggggg.”

“Your THING, Rich. Not your ‘thang’.”

“Potato, tomato.”

“That’s not how it goes.”)

Mike chuckled, walking towards the direction of the Derry Inn.

He turned the photo over in his hand, tracing over the scratchy writing that took up most of the other side.

Richie had his own copy of their photos, with Mike’s own little note written on the back.

Mike always found Richie’s funnier, though.

“Sorry I’m the cuter twin Mikey! 

Xoxo,

Richie.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lol gottem 2 updates tonight stay tuned for the next one ;)


	7. Missing Curfew

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mike shows up a bit late.

Mike pinched his nose with a huff, pushing in the aged wooden doors of the Derry Inn.

“Mike!”

He lifted his head, almost expecting to see Richie standing in the lobby with his signature shit-eating grin.

Instead, Will stood nervously near the front desk, beckoning him over.

“You were supposed to be back like twenty minutes ago.” he huffed, crossing his arms and giving Mike a pointed stare. 

Mike smiled apologetically, “Nancy and Jonathon already went to dinner without us didn’t they?”

“Yup. You’re lucky I’m a concerned friend or I’d have gone with them.”

Mike laughed, rolling his eyes, “Well how does room service sound instead?”

Will nodded, walking past him and starting up the stairs to their room, “Fine, but you’re paying. Now hurry up and tell me why you’re late.”

Mike sighed, but followed Will upstairs anyways.

Their room was small, but pretty good considering how cheap it was.

There were two beds, both queen sized, and a shitty little tv that sat across from them. It probably didn't even work, but neither them nor Nancy and Jonathan had bothered to check. They were only staying a week anyways, right? The bathroom was nice enough, though a little out of date. There was only one sink, and the mirror had all kinds of profanities scratched into it (many of with Mike figured Richie would find hysterical). To be quite honest, the entirety of the Derry Inn was out of date but it was a small town with a small budget so he supposed it would do.

Mike sat on the bed farthest from the door while Will sat on the other so the two were facing each other.

“So…”

“So?”

“Start with your excuse, Michael. We’re missing out on diner food.”

Mike laughed, geez, Will and his diner foods, huh?

“Okay, okay. Well basically….”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I posted this later than I'd hoped, but i promise i have an excuse lol this chapter was originally going to be much angstier but I added this in as a buffer and moved the angst back to either the next chapter or the one after. Once again feedback is appreciated!!


	8. (Not) An Early Bird

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mike doesn't like to wake up early.

Mike huffed, brushing something away from his face.

“Knock it off.” he groaned.

(“I said knock it off, Rich!”

“Aw, come on. Mikeeeeeeee.”

“No! Absolutely not! It’s the weekend! I’m staying in bed!”

“You’re so lame.”)

And with that he was smacked promptly in the face with a pillow.

“Good morning, Mike.”

Mike glared up at him before shoving his head back into his pillow with a sharp exhale, “Good morning, William.”

Will grinned, “Jonathan says breakfast is in 30.”

“Mmhmm…”

“Some little diner in town.”

“Mmhmm…”

“Are you even listening?”

“Ughhhhhhhh, yes. Just tired.”

“It’s already 9:30, Mike.” Will said pointedly

Mike stretched, sitting up, “Not all of us are morning people, you know.”

(“Rise and fucking shine, Mikey my boy!”)

“Fair enough.” Will replied, “But you can’t just sleep until one in the afternoon today. Richie’s friends, ring any bells?”

“Right.” He said, remembering now.

Richie’s friends.

Noon.

“No, yeah, I remember.”

“Good.” Will smiled, “Because while you do that, I’m gonna go to Richie’s house and check it out.”

“Sounds good. The Toziers love you.”

Mike laughed before continuing, 

“Probably because you’re a huge nerd.”

Will smacked him with the pillow again,

“Haha very funny.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I didn't update earlier my birthday was on Friday!! Also,,, I'm sorry in advance for the next two chapters. Figured I'd add this chapter in as another buffer. Hope ur all ready for the next update.


	9. Stop Looking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will makes a visit.

Will smiled slightly as he walked down the cracked sidewalk and took in his surroundings.

He liked Derry- well, sort of. It was a lot like Hawkins, in a way. 

It was a small town, but smaller and more old fashioned than Hawkins, and everybody seemed to know everybody.

It felt almost nostalgic, he thought. Kind of reminding him of an innocence of before learning how things were in the real world. Almost sheltered. 

The streets were quieter than Hawkins, and less cars seemed to pass through the neighborhoods.

But, as much as Will hated to admit it, it was also like Hawkins in the way that something was very much wrong.

Not in the way that the houses were too similar or that the stores were out of his favorite candy, no. Derry was wrong all in itself.

Derry was almost evil.

With that final thought, Will found himself standing in the Tozier family driveway and staring up at the front door.

They had a nice house, certainly nicer than Will’s but far older than Mike’s or Dustin’s.

It was two stories, and was painted a cool shade of gray with a big, black front door and sot rock music pouring out of one of the upstairs windows.

A little statue graced the pristine front lawn and Will noted that it had never been there before.

It was a very tiny stone clown.

Will had never really liked clowns.

Will had been to Richie’s house twice before and not once was he scared or intimidated.

But this time was different.

He felt dread wash over him as he walked closer and knocked timidly at the door.

He flinched slightly as the door was quickly pulled open and Maggie Tozier smiled down at him.

Maggie Tozier was a simple looking woman. Not too boring, but not exactly exciting either.

She was slim and had green eyes, with black hair that she had most certainly passed down to Richie.

“Will! It’s so good to see you!”

“H-Hello, Mrs. Tozier.” he said nervously, smiling back.

“Please, honey, come in.” She opened the door and stood back as Will stepped inside, “And call me Maggie.”

He smiled slightly, “Right... Thank you, Maggie.”

“I was just about to make some coffee and have a snack. You like cookies, don’t you Will?”

He nodded, “Yes thank you…”

She turned to him with a gentle smile as they reached the kitchen, “You know I love seeing you, but I have to ask why you stopped by.”

He perked up, remembering why he had shown up in the first place, “Right! Is -uh- Is Richie here?”

Maggie’s smile fell and Will glanced at her anxiously.

“What?”

“Is Richie here? Is he home?”

She turned with a small chuckle, “That’s funny.”

His stomach dropped at that, but before he could ask what she meant, Maggie started laughing.

And then she was sobbing.

Will reached out a hand, shaking slightly, “Maggie….?”

She spun around, still laughing and sobbing, except….

Now she had bright red stripes from her eyes to her mouth and a lipstick of the same shade smeared across her lips.

Almost like the pattern on the clown in the yard.

“He’s dead.” she cackled.

“He’s not here. He’s not here…

He’s dead.”

Will took a step backwards before bolting towards the front door.   
He knew she was chasing after, hands grasping at empty air and trying to grab him wildly.

He threw open the front door and ran into the street, turning on his heels to face the house.

It’s windows were boarded up and a bright white “for sale” sign sat on the untamed lawn. The clown statue was gone and seemed to have never been there in the first place. 

In the doorway that Will had just exited was Richie Tozier himself.

He was taller than when Will had last seen him, and certainly much paler as well.

His eyes seemed exceedingly empty and glossed over, and his jointed seemed stiff as he took a step forward.

On his face was the exact same pattern that had graced Maggie’s face just seconds earlier.

He opened his mouth slowly, almost as if it pained him to do so, and spoke:

“Tell them to stop looking, Will.”

“Stop looking.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Forgive me LMAO i said 2 chapters would be bad so look out for the nenxt update.


	10. Seeing Richie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mike is interrupted.

Mike huffed, looking down at his watch.

12:09 PM

Richie’s friends said noon, right? Noon and not some other time? How could they be late knowing how important that this conversation was? What if he got the time wrong?

He shook his head to clear his thoughts and will himself to be more patient. It’s only been ten minutes, right?

“Hey, Mike!”

Mike’s head shot up, seeing the Losers club walking at a quick pace down the sidewalk towards him.

Bill stood at the head of their odd formation, with Beverly and Stanley standing silently at his sides. He looked at ease, cool and collected. If Mike was meeting him for the first time he’d be almost intimidated. He kept a smile on his face as he walked, but somehow remained stoic.

Then there were Beverly and Stan. 

Beverly was grinning and walked with a confident, aloof bounce in her step and a cigarette kept loosely between her lips. Her fingers tapped along to a song in her pockets and the bracelets on her wrists moved with them. She seemed carefree or just having a good day in general.

Stan, on the other hand, seemed almost completely the opposite. He had (what Mike assumed) to be a permanent frown on his face and kept his hand stiffely at his sides. He seemed neater and more put together than Beverley, but somehow just as relaxed. He had an almost white-knuckle on a book in his right hand with some kind of fancy exotic bird on the cover.

Walking behind Bill, Stan and Bev were Mike (the other Mike, of course ) and Ben, who seemed to be caught up in a casual conversation. They both were laughing and had wide, goofy smiles on their face that reminded him of Dustin and Lucas on a good day. Mike couldn’t quite make out what it was they were talking about, but certainly heard the words “Pennsylvania” and “super hero” in there somewhere. 

Finally, trailing slightly behind the group, was Eddie. He looked on edge and a bit nervous, but was otherwise acting far better than he had yesterday. Although Mike could’ve sworn he saw the smaller boy glance over his shoulder before speeding up his pace to catch up with Mike and Ben.

Bill smiled as they got closer, giving a curt wave in greeting that Mike politely returned, “S-Sorry we were late. G-Got caught up trying to sneak E-E-E-”

“Trying to sneak me out of the house.” Eddie piped up before scowling at Bill and smacking his friend’s hand, “Don’t stutter my name, mushmouth, you know I hate it when you stutter my name.”

Bill grinned, letting out an embarrassed chuckle, “Right W-Well, let's head to the B-Barrens and we can-”

Mike turned, seeing movement out of the corner of his eye.

Will was walking towards him with heavy, exaggerated breathing.

He sped up, seeing Mike and as he got closer Mike could’ve sworn Mike was crying.

Mike tensed a little as Will approached him and started to stutter out what Mike assumed was some kind of explanation.

“Will? Are you ok?” he asked, looking down at his friend, “Breathe ok? What happened?”

Will straightened up with a wheezy exhale, “ I-I just. I swear I- He was there and I- It wasn’t him and- and-”

Mike studied his friend carefully… had he been running? Why had he been running? He had only gone to the Tozier’s house, right?

“Will just… breathe.”

Will nodded, slightly regaining his composure and wiping his face with the backs of his hands, 

“I saw Richie.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woo hoo! Think are gonna start getting interesting now hehe I'll probably update again today (but like way later haha its like 2 am) so i'll see you all then!!


	11. Richie Tozier is Very Much Dead

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eddie accidentally says too much.

Eddie stiffened before turning around and lurching forward with a gag.

Beverly and Mike both jumped, darting to hold him steady.

Mike pat his back with a firm hand, concern shadowing his face, “Eddie? Ed, are you good?”

He groaned, righting himself and turning back around, “Yeah. I just- I just, uh-”

He sounded like Bill right now, geez. If Eddie wasn’t so preoccupied he might even have laughed at that.

Beverly, ever the kind and benevolent girl that she was, raised a hand to silence him, “You don’t need to explain yourself, Eddie.”

Ben glanced back at the trio and gave them a slightly reassuring smile but stayed silent.

Eddie swallowed back a response, simply nodding to Bev and Ben and turning back to the stranger that Mike (Wheeler) was now talking to. His name was Will, right? That was the name Eddie had (thought) he heard.

His eyes moved to Bill, who was fumbling for words and gripping the insides of his pockets for dear life.

“Y-y-y-y-y-you saw- you s-s-s-saw-”

His stutter had gotten better over the past year. If people were meeting him for the first time they would just assume he was nervous and tripping over his words a bit. He was never nervous though, because his stutter was terrible when he was actually nervous (If Richie had been there Eddie just  _ knew _ he’d call Bill a “stalling motor” or something stupid like that).

Standing next to Bill was Stan, who had visibly paled. He had taken a shaky step backwards and glanced from Will to Mike W. to Will again. Almost as if he was in a daze his right hand moved instinctively to the scars that framed the sides of his face (Mike Wheeler would later recall that it looked as if he’d seen a ghost).

Will had calmed down, but kept a tight grip on Mike’s arm.

Mike, however, was smiling like he’d just hit the lotto.

“You saw him! That means he- he’s here. He’s in Derry… We can go home. He can come with us and-”

Will’s gaze darkened as Mike rambled and Eddie assumed he was searching for words to tell Mike… well,  _ something _ . 

That  _ something _ was most definitely not good.

Eddie rubbed his eyes, feeling tears starting to well up behind them. 

What the hell were they gonna tell these people?

Then, before he could stop himself, he was yelling.

“No! You didn’t see him! You didn’t see him because he’s dead ok? Whoever you  _ THINK _ you saw wasn’t him because he’s  **dead** .”

He felt his hand rush up to his mouth as he finished screaming. He was crying now, and he let out a choked sob before wiping his eyes with the palms of his hands.

Beside him, Bev gasped and hissed out a soft, “Eddie!”

Stan and Bill turned and stared at him, eyes wide. He didn’t care what they were thinking, he was just tired of lying. He didn’t mean to say it, not really. 

It just slipped out.

Eddie heard a noise coming from past Stan and Bill and looked up without a word.

Right, Mike and Will were still here.

Mike and Will.

Eddie had just yelled out what was, arguably, the biggest secret of the Losers Club in front of two people they had no idea if they could trust.

While Will still had an iron grip on Mike’s arm, Mike had gone completely limp. His arms hung loosely at his sides and his jaw had gone slack. 

Unnervingly, Mike let out a suppressed whisper, staring daggers into Eddie’s tear-stained face.

“What?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> JNJKNJKN sorry this is so late, I got in trouble so I've been writing in intervals ughhhh As always, feedback is appreciated!! :)


	12. Who Cares?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eddie learns that his actions have consequences.

_ “What?” _

Eddie froze, willing himself not to reach up and smack himself right in the forehead.

_ What the fuck did I just do. _

He groaned, shutting his eyes tight to brace himself for… something. He didn’t know what but something.

_ Holy shit. Holy shit. Holy shit. I said it out loud. I said it and they know. They know and they shouldn’t and I was the one that fucking said it. _

In that moment, where everything seemed to slow, he thought about Richie.

Would Richie call him some stupid nickname, in this moment here? Or would he just be angry with Eddie for saying something he most definitely shouldn’t have said?

_ Who cares… he’s- _

He swallowed that thought back and instead focused on trying to regain what little composure he had left. 

His hands felt absolutely freezing (although at that moment, even the air around him felt unnaturally cold) as they fiddled absentmindedly with the hem of his pale pink shirt. His finger twirled carefully around a loose thread before he gave it a sharp tug.

He winced, pulling it free from his shirt even though it wasn’t hurting him.

How could he have been so stupid? 

He lost control of his emotions, of his _ temper _ and just so happened to blurt out the biggest secret kept by the Losers Club of 1989.

He lost it.

He got overwhelmed and he fucking lost it.

Eddie winced again as someone shook him by his shoulders and called his name.

He’d completely zoned out.

_ Like a fucking idiot. _

As the mystery person gave him another, stronger shake Eddie shook his head and cleared his thought, “Wh-”

Oh. He was still crying.

In fact, he now realized, he was on his knees on the sidewalk with his hands still gripping tightly to his shirt

Even crazier, he concluded, was the fact that he couldn’t breathe and was instead choking out heavy, choked cries while Mike (Hanlon) rubbed circles into his back and Beverly shook him by his shoulders.He studied her face, taking in heavy breaths and becoming more aware of his surroundings. He could see the cracks in the sidewalk and the clouds moving lazily across the sky, and he could see-

_ Oh shit. _

He could see one Mike (Wheeler) now being held back by Will as he screamed at Bill.

If Eddie had been thinking clearer and had maybe been some sort of random bystander he would have giggled and said that Mike looked like some toddler who didn’t get any candy on a grocery run.

But Eddie wasn’t thinking clearly and he wasn’t some no-name idiot just waltzing by.

He was crying, Eddie noticed, and seemed to have some sort of paper in his hand.

With a final sob, Mike tossed the paper at Bill’s feet and stomped off, Will desperately trying to keep up with him.

Eddie froze again, glancing at the paper. Whatever it was had rendered Bill as pale as a ghost and unnervingly silent, though Bill was always a bit stoic.

He gently reached down and picked up the paper, uncrumpling it with a tentative grip.

Bev looked away, following Eddie’s gaze.

“Bill? What is it?”

“I-It’s… It’s R-R-Richie’s let-letter.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well sheit,,,,, what're y'all doin,,,,, yowza I hope you all are all doin good :) I hope you all have been paying attention to chapter titles, they let on a bit more than I mention ;) Per usual comments, feedback, or just guesses of where you think the story is head are always much appreciated <33


	13. You're Always Right

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stan and Eddie have a talk.

“Letter?” Bev asked with hesitation before standing and reaching a single, steady hand down to help Eddie up , “What does it say?”

Eddie, who gratefully took Bev’s hand, rose to his feet and politely wiped his hands down his front and turned to Bill, who was carefully turning the paper over in his hands. Eddie grimaced, drawing a painful comparison to the way Bill had stood and stared at the missing posters that were furnished with Richie’s face and description and the way he stood now as his eyes flitted back and forth over the piece of paper.

Mike, standing up as well prior to answering in an unsure tone, glanced around the corner, “Maybe we should read it somewhere else.”

Bill hummed in agreement, glancing over the paper before carefully folding it and placing it in the front left pocket of his shorts.

Stan, who stood silent next to Bill, glanced over the group before giving a small nod.

Ben, who had been keeping to the rear of the group, coughed, “The clubhouse then?”

Bill nodded, slowly starting towards the Barrens and glancing over his shoulder as if to beckon the others with him.

Stan stayed planted where he was as Ben and Mike walked past him to follow Bill. Bev, who was close behind them, raised an eyebrow in silent interrogation. He shook his head, nodding in Eddie’s direction and whispering a soft, “Go ahead, we’ll catch up.”

Bev smiled, gently placing a hand on his shoulder before following after the others.

“Eddie.”

“Hmm?” he thrummed, turning to Stan and wiping his eyes with the back of one hand.

“Are you alright?” he asked, almost awkwardly.

Eddie sighed, starting to walk, “I’m… I don’t know.”

Stan nodded, following after and then taking a quick stride to walk next to him but continuing his silence to urge Eddie on.

“I-I just freaked. I didn’t actually mean to tell them that Richie…”

He shook his head, shutting his eyes tight before opening them slowly and deliberately and staring down at the sidewalk in embarrassment.

“I feel so dumb.” he said with a bitter laugh, “It’s been a year and I still can’t even say it.”

“Eddie…” Stan started, looking at him with sad eyes and a soft, sympathetic smile, “It’s not- You aren’t dumb, okay? It’s alright to not want to say it.”

Eddie looked up at Stan, grimacing.

_ No, it is dumb, _ he thought.  _ It's just three words. ‘Richie is dead.’ and I can’t even say it out loud. _

Stan opened his mouth to continue, wobbling slightly as they branched off and onto the worn, dirt path that twisted its way into the Barrens before regaining his thoughts and beginning to speak.

“I’m serious, Eddie. I understand. He was our friend and it hurt to lose him… It still hurts. And that’s okay. It’s normal. He-”

Stan took a shaky breath, glancing down at his hands and then lifting his head to stare out ahead and into the Barrens, “He was important.  _ Is _ important. To all of us, ok? We loved him- we still do- and he loved us. He wouldn’t want you to be upset. I know that’s hypocritical of me to say, but it's the truth. Do you think Richie would want people to be sad thinking of him?”

Stan was right. Richie had never wanted to be the cause of any negative emotions, especially when it came to the Losers. He enjoyed making people smile and laugh. He was good at it. He had confided in Eddie, once a very long time ago, that he felt that laughter was something that everyone could use and it made him feel good to be the cause of someone's laughter. He said making someone feel good was fun and something that would stick with them forever. Eddie remembered the way Richie’s eyes had shown when he had told him this and he also remembered how far away he looked when Richie had very quietly whispered that he didn’t want to be forgotten, least of all by his friends. Eddie shook his head, feeling tears starting to well up behind his eyes once more.

“Exactly. So… So let’s not be sad, okay? Let’s be happy we got to be Richie’s friends. His  _ family _ . That we loved him and he loved us, alright?”

“You’re right, Stan. You’re always right. Thanks.” He said, smiling and wiping his eyes once more as they came to the clearing that accommodated the clubhouse.

The others, excluding Beverly, who waited holding the door open with a patient, thin lipped smile, were already inside in their respective seats. Mike sat on the swing, hands gripping tight to the rope. Eddie figured that if he hadn’t known that Mike’s death grip was because he was troubled, he would’ve assumed he was afraid of the swing dropping a measly foot and a half onto the ground. Bev stood leaning on the clubhouse wall, fidgeting far too much to sit and most likely waiting until they left to have a cigarette. She’d stopped smoking them inside when Stan had been accused of smoking by his parents because of the way the smell stuck to his clothes. Ben sat with his legs crossed on a small mat on the floor and examining his handy work on the walls and flooring of the clubhouse. Stan, on the other hand, sat quiet and still on the stool that sat in the corner, looking around and studying everyone with mild interest. Bill sat to his left, pulling the letter carefully out of his pocket and rotating it in his hands.

Eddie started towards the hammock, his hand tracing the shabby fabric. He’d almost moved away from it before glancing back at Stan, who gave him the best smile he could muster, and then he nodded carefully and sat down. When Richie and him shared the hammock, it’d felt cramped and closed in, but it was comfortable and familiar. Now, however, with just him sitting in it, the hammock felt cold and far too large.

Bill sniffed, gathering everyone’s attention before starting to speak, “D-D-D-D-”

He groaned, shoving the letter in Stan’s direction and letting out a soft huff before Stan started to read:

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I said yesterday in my notes in Make Me Behave (Like An Animal), I'm posting all of the chapters I have complete for this story tonight and all the chapters I have complete for my new stories ( Supernatural, not It sorry lmao) tomorrow <3 As always, drop your opinions and thoughts!!


	14. Die Trying

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Richie leaves a hint

_ Dearest brother Microphone, _

_ I’m really sorry this letter is coming so late compared to when I got your last letter. I’ve been pretty busy here in Derry (that’s pretty funny, eh? Busy while in Derry: the capital of boring). But anyways, How are you? What have you been doing? How’s your girlfriend??? Are Nancy and Jonathan still together? When are Will and his family moving? I hope you, Nancy and Holly are all good. _

_ Give my best to all your friends, I wish I was able to see them but I guess I’m not a very lucky person, huh? Maybe I can take a trip to Hawkins someday soon and we can all hang out or go to the arcade or something fun like that. Steve got a job at that movie place, right? Maybe he can get us some kind of family and friends deal. Don’t get your hopes up though, I don’t know when I’ll be able to visit you, considering I’m still in the doghouse for breaking Aunt Karen’s window last time I came to visit. You’re welcome for taking the blame for that, by the way. It was most definitely your fault and if you’d just caught the ball it wouldn’t have broken the window in the first place. You really need to work on your catching skills. Maybe you can get Lucas to help you, he has a wicked aim AND a strong arm, both of which are things you lack. _

_ To answer your question in your last letter: I’ve been working on some new jokes. I’ve only included three that are about Eddie’s mom so that’s a new record. Personally I think they’re all pretty good.Stanley says he thinks otherwise but I totally caught him laughing at some of them when he thought I wasn’t looking. Jokes on him, I COULD see him. Richie’s giant glasses: 1 Stanley Uris: 0 I think I’ll try them out on Eddie and Beverly next, they’re a lot less of a tough crowd than Stan and I’d say they have pretty good senses of humor. I think they’d kind of fly over Ben’s head because he’s far too sweet to laugh at the “inappropriate” one, but I’ll show them to him anyways. I don’t know if I’ll show them to Bill yet, he’s usually the last person to hear my jokes because he likes to give in-depth reviews and I don’t have the patience to listen to him stutter about how to work on my punchline delivery, even though his reviews are pretty good. I met this other kid, Mike (name twins!!) and I don’t know much about what kinds of jokes he likes yet so I’m also putting him in the maybe column. We met Mike a couple days ago because Bowers and his squad full of uglies had gotten to him while he was making deliveries in town and we ended up getting in a rock fight with Bowers and then we went back to this super cool clubhouse that Ben built all by himself but that’s a story for another time. _

_ As I was saying, I got in a rock fight the other day and got hit right in the forehead, yowch. I’m just glad I didn’t break my glasses. Can you imagine what my parents would say if I broke a third pair this year? I’m pretty sure they’d stick my head on a pike and plant it right on the front yard with a great big sign that says, “Here lies Richard W. Tozier- so irresponsible that the kingdom of Derry had him executed. Let him be a warning to ye, weary travelers.” I think that’d be pretty funny, don’t you? You probably don’t, no offense but I don’t think you got any of the funny gene, brother. It must be pretty sad being the unfunny AND the ugly twin. “But, Richie, we’re twins!! We’re identical!!” You shut your trap, Mikaela. I’m obviously the better looking of the two of us. It probably has to do with my impeccable fashion taste. Don’t worry though, little brother, you still win for nerdiest twin. Speaking of nerdy, how’s Madmax? I’m not saying she’s nerdy, I’m saying all of you other kids are and she’s the cool one. _

_ Things are pretty good on my end, I guess. I tried this super good double stacked burger from the diner the other day and it was incredible. It was maybe even better than the burgers at the diner in your town (oops, sorry). I’m getting off track, sorry. Anyways, things have been alright. I mean they’ve been better. Like, WAY better, but I’ve got my friends and my absolutely incredible sense of humor so basically that’s good enough for me but still things could be going better. _

_ Kids are still going missing, though, so that’s pretty awful. Patrick Hockstetter disappeared a few days ago and now all of Betty Ripsom’s missing posters have started being replaced by his. The cops think it's some kind of perv serial killer snatching kids who are staying out past dark. There’s a curfew now, which is super lame. It's not even some kind of creep in the dark, though if we’re being honest here. It’s not even a person. You have your experience with not-people so I’m sure you understand what exactly I’m getting at here.  _

_ I have a plan, though. One that’ll put all this shit behind us. I’m gonna fix everything or I’m gonna die trying (you’ll get the joke later, I promise. It’s a good one). A deal with the devil, if you will. _

_ Moving on… I don’t think I’ll be writing any time soon, so don’t expect any new letters or pictures. I don’t know when or even IF i’ll be able to write again, to be honest. _

_ I’m gonna miss you a bunch. I don’t know what I’d do without you or the Losers Club (that’s what we’re calling ourselves now. It’s a real riot, huh?) _

_ Best of wishes you lame-o, _

_ Richie _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts, comments, concerns are all appreciated <3


	15. He's Not

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Losers react.

Stan let out a quiet, choked sob as he finished reading the letter. He thrust it back with shaking hands towards a very pale Bill, who took it silently as he stayed ever-focused on a single spot on the floor. Mike’s grip on the swing’s rope had tightened even more (which Eddie didn’t even think was possible) until his knuckles had gone pale and his hands were shaking in a way that was barely noticeable. Bev had anxiously begun to tap her foot lightly on the floor, though not loud enough to warrant anyone telling her to stop. Ben fiddled with his hands, occasionally raising a slow hand to wipe a tear-stained cheek and take a deep breath.

Eddie, on the other hand, was frozen not just in sadness, but in anger. His jaw clenched as he tightly grabbed the edges of the hammock. He could feel himself staring as Bill read and reread the letter with sober eyes and a frail grip. He exhaled sharply before opening a dry mouth to spill angry words out into the stale air of the clubhouse, “He knew.”

His grip on the fabric grew even tighter as his muscles grew rigid, eyesight blurring with heavy tears, “He knew he was gonna die in there, in the sewer.”

Bill’s eyes widened, “Eddie, t-there’s no w-way he could have known. He-”

“He knew!” Eddie repeated, louder, “It’s in the fucking letter, Bill! He said he was gonna die trying! He made a joke about it!”

Eddie sobbed, dropping his head into his hands, “You saw it, Big Bill. You saw it. You know what he wrote.”

Bill stalled, reaching out slightly before recoiling and staring down at his lap, “Y-Yeah. I did.”

“Guys….” Bev started, a thin smile making itself known on her face, “He could be-”

“No.” Stan said far too quickly, cutting Bev off abruptly, “No. He- I know we all want him to be but he’s- he’s not. There’s no point in making ourselves hope for something impossible.”

Bev scowled, “Impossible? You’d think the magical demon clown would teach you not to talk about the impossible, Stanley.”

“He’s not.” Stan repeated firmer, hands fidgeting with the edge of his shorts.

“Why not?” Eddie asked, “Penny-  _ It _ tricked us before. Wh-What if It’s just tricking us again? What if it was fake?”

“W-We all s-saw i-i-it, Ed-Eddie. He’s g-g-g-g-gone.” Bill replied softly. Eddie knew he was probably just trying to be kind, but how could he be so  _ stupid. _ This letter had come from Richie’s  _ brother _ and was probably the last thing he wrote. Not only that, but it obviously meant that Richie somehow knew what was going to happen that day in the sewers. And if Richie knew and joked about it and made vague comments about it, then surely he had to be alive.

“No, he could still be down there.” Eddie disagreed, stumbling out of the hammock to stand. Then he gasped and brought his hands over his mouth as his face began to pale, “Oh, God. We left him down there in the sewer. We left him and-”

“No, Eddie. He’s gone!” Stan yelled hoarsely. His eyes were more red now, holding back obvious tears. He stood up, shaking, and plowed on, “I’m sorry, but it's true, alright?”

“But, what if he’s not?” Bev argued, crossing her arms and peeling her back off the wall to straighten her posture.If Eddie and Beverly could understand that Richie was alive somewhere, why couldn’t Stan and Bill do the same? They were hurt and angry, but all of them were, so why were they being so stubborn?

“W-We saw it w-with our own e-eyes and-”

“Get your head out of your ass, Bill!”

“Guys…”

“He’s dead! Richie’s-”

“He isn’t, though! We-”

“Guys!” Mike yelled, probably too loudly, causing everyone else to stare at him. 

He inhaled, looking around slowly before speaking, “Thank you. Okay, let's just… calm down and talk about this, okay? How many of us think Richie is… dead?”

Stan and Bill reluctantly raised their hands. Stan’s eyes stayed glued to the clubhouse floor while Bill stood and faced Mike.

Mike nodded, “And how many of us think he’s alive?”

Beverly and Eddie each raised a confident, stubborn hand.

“Alright… Ben?” Mike turned towards him, “What about you?”

“I don’t know.” Ben said quietly and rather nervously, “I think he  _ could _ be alive, but he could be dead, too. I guess I’m just going to stay undecided for now.”

Mike smiled, “Me too. So, why don’t we discuss and talk this out together?”

Eddie scoffed angrily, snatching the letter out of Bill’s hands, turning towards the door and climbing swiftly up the ladder, “Richie’s alive. If-If I were him I’d want to know my  _ friends _ were looking for me. You’re all shitty friends.”

“Eddie!”

“Ed, wait!”

“Eddie, come back!”

The others ascended after him, clamoring over one another recklessly, but by the time they had all climbed up and into the Barrens, he was already gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Questions, comments, concerns per usual!! Also, this chapter is super short so I apologize for that :( The next one should be much longer, though <3

**Author's Note:**

> hi plz comment and let me know what u think thanks!


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